This song is about a family secret that tore my life apart when I found out I had an older brother. I rejoiced and cried. This was the second time I learned I had a brother I never knew. This time, the secret was an awful one. A dark and twisted one. My Grandmother knew the truth but kept it from us. She died without telling us that he was my brother. I felt betrayed. Perhaps she thought the truth was too painful, and it was. But not knowing hurt us worse than anything else. Birthdays, Christmases, holidays, all these things. I'm overjoyed to have an older brother. I just wish it wasn't shrouded in lies and betrayal and so much hurt. My family is split. One Aunt doesn't believe the paternity test. The other doesn't want to believe the circumstances are true. My brother embraces our mother as his Mom. And my sister and I are welcoming him to our immediate family.
It's hard to describe how I sing this song. I purposely sing "Our shattered Lives" and "Are shadowed lies" to sound like the same verse and inflection to symbolize how they are the same thing. I belt this song out at the top of my lungs when I'm doing the dishes and no one is home. That's my writing method... I kept changing the lyrics until I settled on these ones. I had many other verses that weren't really in the pattern before. I tried to record it once, but it was the utter fail. Maybe sometime I will sing this. My voice is raw and emotional. And I would likely have a kid in the background making lots of noise.
I don't normally submit my written poems/songs. One because they are sung, and might not be best 'read' when it's meant to be heard. And two, because most of them are not typed out, but are instead on paper and buried in a box along with my youth. I wrote more than 20 songs from my teenage years to my early 20's. Not so many now. I enjoy solitude to create my songs, and usually are only written in times of severe emotional strife. Some of the songs I have memorized and may be submitting here in the future.
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